He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
