Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
