It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
