So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
