Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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