There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
