im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
