How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
