I didn't shave. On purpose
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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