Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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