it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
