WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
