Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
