is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
