Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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