i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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