I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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