I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
