She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
