In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
