My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
