I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Green mimosas i think yes
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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