Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
