hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
