You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
