Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
