Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
