It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
