I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
