I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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