There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
