dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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