watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
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the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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