the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
