What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
