I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
