I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
So much rum. So many feels.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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