I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize