Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
