it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
