Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
