So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
