i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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