Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
