I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Randomize
