he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
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the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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