Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
