im having a threesome with these popsicles
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
