it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
