Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
