I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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