Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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