I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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