It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
