There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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