I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
