Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
