Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
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She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
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I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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