i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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