i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I would fuck him just for his dog
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
