like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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