I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
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I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
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If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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