my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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