just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
false alarm. still invincible.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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