I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize