Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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